February 13, 2013

"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

That's one of my favorite quotes. And according to my rough calculation, I've experienced approximately 37,584,000 moments since my last blog entry...whew, I've been a busy girl! :o)

Not all those moments have taken my breath away, but one of my goals this past year has been to live life to the fullest and experience it for everything that it has to offer, so I'd like to think that I've at least done my best to appreciate most of those moments, good and bad.

Over the last year, I've had several people gently mention that I haven't updated my blog and that I should really get on that. And by "gently" I mean: hate mail, threatening messages, stink bombs on my front porch, bribes, and an abundance of other unmentionables that I won't delve into. It's definitely not that I've had a shortage of experiences to talk about, it's just that for some reason I never can bring myself to make the time to sit down and write an entry. I'm not sure why; and I never really gave it much thought...until today.

Since my original cancer diagnosis, my blog has morphed and served several purposes for me. It's original goal was very simple and somewhat selfish...get the basic information on my diagnosis to my friends and family without having to repeat myself twelve-thousand times a day.

From there, things gradually expanded without me really even realizing it. I learned a lot more than I think I ever would have about my cancer and all the little details because I took the time to research it and put it into "normal people" speak for my blog. So by helping everyone else understand it, I was actually helping myself too.

My candor and humor have always been something that just comes naturally to me (sometimes I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, HA!) but being able to openly use them to express my feeling towards my cancer really helped me handle and deal with my emotions on a daily basis. Again, I didn't really realize this until much later, but without this blog, I don't think I would have been able to process a lot of my feelings and emotions as well as I did. In addition, all throughout my journey, I have had several people tell me that my entries have helped them too. Whether it was their own personal struggle or for someone they knew, my experiences were helping people and that felt really good.

All-in-all, my blog has been a very positive and uplifting experience...you could even call it therapy of sorts. So why did I stop? Why wouldn't I make time to continue to update everyone on my progress, pit-falls, good days, bad days, etc.? These are the questions that have been plaguing me for the last several months and I really haven't been able to quite put my finger on it until now, and I think I finally have the answer. It's pretty simple actually...it became work. Effort. A pain in the...OK, you get the idea. :o) I know this sounds a little brash, and might even put you off a little, but give me a chance to explain, because honestly, I think this is a good thing! Of course I still have things going on in my life that I want to share with everyone, however I don't feel like I NEED to share it. The stuff that's going on in my life now is everyday "normal people" stuff. There's nothing going on that's so important that I need to make sure I update all my loved ones on my health or well-being. I have no major medical drama. No body parts being cut off. And when I have a bad day I simply get on Facebook and share it white-trash style like the rest of the world! :o) I don't NEED my blog anymore so it's now become something that I can put on the back-burner and "do later when I have time"...which of course never gets done, because let's face it...when you have a three-year-old, you NEVER have time!

I am a firm believer in "never say never" so I won't say that I'll NEVER write another post again, but I think it's safe to say that at this point in my life I'm comfortable closing this chapter of my journey. It has served many wonderful purposes and has helped me heal in many different ways.

Thank you all for your friendship, prayers and for continuing to stick with me when I failed to blog while I was out living and enjoying the past 37,584,000 moments.